Cali here I come!

This time tomorrow, I'll be relaxing in my hotel in California. I'll FINALLY be going on my much anticipated vacation! The wait is finally over! We leave for the airport tomorrow around 6 am. This night owl mentality is going to bite me in the butt come tomorrow morning! But I'm happy were leaving so early (less time to wait!). So I'll be in Cali from June 23rd to July 2nd. And I won't have my laptop, so I won't be able to post a blog or anything. But I've went longer than nine days between posts anyways! And the only people that ever reads these are my mom, boyfriend, and cousin. Yeah, I'm pathetic!! Just kidding.

Anywhoo... I'll finally be able to experience Disney Land for the first time. And with some pretty awesome people! So I'm all packed and ready to go. I can't believe I was able to stuff nine days worth of clothes and toiletries in a small carry on suitcase! But thanks to my mom, it happened! Yeah this isn't a very long blog, I just thought I'd post about leaving! 

And I'll leave the blog saying this... This will be my view for the next week... <3

Meagan <3

We bleed maroon

I'm currently watching the college world series. A&M vs. California. A tad ironic, my school going against my vacation hot spot for this summer. (T-minus two days!!) And it's an elimination game. Currently the score's 7-3 Cali. Ah it's not looking good for the boys in maroon tonight. BUT... no matter what happens in tonights game, I'm proud of my school! Regional and Super regional champs. Sounds pretty darn good to me. ALSO, they won the Big 12 tournament. Im very proud to say I'll be going to this school come august. If there's anything I have to offer A&M, it'll be my school spirit!! If A&M loses the game tonight and is out of the world series, oh well, at least they got there in the first place!

Michael Wacha (did a great job pitching so far)

Gig em'!!!!

Meagan <3

I need prayer

After spending some time in the prayer room at my church, I've learned a lot of things about myself and my relationship with God.


I've felt a mixture of emotions while really looking into who I am within my God. Shame, regret, selfish, etc. But I've also felt some very different emotions. Happiness, Love, freedom, etc. Well, they're not all emotions, but you get the picture! I've looked at who I've been over the past year or so, and how well I have given my time and love to God. I don't like what I've seen for the most part. BUT, compared to the year or so before that, I can definitely see an improvement. I've tried hard to cleanse myself of certain worldly desires, and I've been successful in some, not so much in others. Thats being human though. Messing up time and time again, but always finding shelter and forgiveness within the arms of Our Savior. So the past week, I've been making some life changes that will hopefully strengthen my frail relationship with God.


First off, releasing my anger I have for my brother. I've been so angry with him for so long, for various things, I don't even remember a time where I felt nothing but love for him. That's really sad, and my anger turns me into a person I NEVER wanted to be. So over the next few months, I'm really going to try to let that anger go, and to try and let my attitude reflect that of Christ. Anger can be all consuming, and can be blinding. Don't let that happen to you.


Second off,  letting God show me what he wants with my relationship with my boyfriend. I've been ignoring him for too long about what he wants. Any relationship you have should reflect how good your relationship is with Christ. So I'm really going to try. And I know he is too. Thats not saying the past four months have been evil or anything. They haven't. I'm happy to say so far, we've stayed away from temptations. The problem is, we haven't really talked too much about what is going on with our relationships with God. And a relationship without God will fall apart. So were just going to try to implement God more into our lives. I'm excited to see what happens.


Third off, college. I stress so much about what will happen when I go to college. BUT, it's time for me to just take a breath, and let God take care of the rest. Just because I go to college doesn't mean I have to start partying, missing church, having sex, etc. I will NOT be like every other college kid. Yeah, I might mess up. But I will not let things like that define my life at A&M. Simple at that.


These are just a few things running through my mind right now. I know God has so much for me, and I'm so excited to see what all he has in store. It's time to stop living my life for me, and start living my life for God.


Meagan <3

Dead Until Dark

I was told today if I wrote more in my blog, I'd get more people to read it. So I'll try a little more frequently, now that I have a new amazing Mac Book Pro 13'. Yes it's amazing, I know! So it's saturday, t-minus five days until Cali. I'm so excited its ridiculous. Were flying now instead of driving (Woo hoo!!), and I get a chance to truly try out my new headphones. Today I went to go pick out my bridesmaid dress for my cousins wedding, and got the shoes. Lord have mercy those suckers are high! But oh well, I'll wear them for one of my favorite cousins, who will be a beautiful bride!!! I guess you could say its a lazy day, I just got back from shopping, and therefore feel like doing nothing. It might have to do with me staying up super late at night reading the Sookie Stackhouse books. This is the first book in the series .....

If you haven't read them, and don't mind a some adult vampires, you'd love these books. Twilight has nothing on the these books! The eleventh book just came out, and I cant wait to read it! Im currently on the third book though, re-reading the entire series so my mind is refreshed with the plot when I get to the latest book. If you like the book, you'd LOVE the show.... True Blood. Comes on sunday nights on HBO. Fourth season is about to start!

Anywhoo... I'm just sitting around, enjoying my new Mac book, and counting down the days until Cali. And being a nerd while I'm at it. Countdown to A&M... two months! Oh yeah! I'm pretty sure I've mentioned being ready to go in every blog, but when your that ready to go, your gonna mention it alot :P.


Meagan <3

It's 2 am... Sleep... nah. I'll just write.

Well my summer schedule has got me all kinds of screwed up. It's 2 am, and I can't sleep. Even though I have to be up at 7 am. Just great. Seeing how as I can't stop THINKING, (what else is there to do at night?), I figured I'd just write some. 

So you might be thinking "what does this overdramatic teenager have on her mind tonight?" Don't worry, I'll tell you! Love, college, the future, etc. The first one is just pissing me off. I have so many dang thoughts running through my mind about that one. Im so frustrated right now. I've been dating this dude for four months, and Im so glad were taking things as slow as we are. Im only seventeen years old, Im not ready to be in love. The thought scares me. I have so many years ahead of me to be in love, I don't need it now. I don't know why Im stressing myself out so badly. He understands I want things slow. And he also knows if I were in love with him, I'd let him know. I feel guilty for not being in love with him sometimes. But then again, it has only been four months. Not very long. So I have no idea why Im stressing out. Maybe its just because I always have to have some stupid thing to stress over? I've got no clue really. Were going to california in two weeks though, and I know it'll be an amazing and fun trip.

College... it's looming closer and closer on the horizon. Now that I've officially walked across the stage, the prospect of college seems like a week away. In actuality it's about two and a half months away. Thats not very long though at all. Im so anxious its ridiculous! Im so ready to move to college station, and open up this new chapter! But on the other hand, I have this dreading feeling in the pit of my stomach that I'll go up to A&M and fail. I've heard so many stories of people failing their first semesters. I have scholarships relying on the fact that I wont be one of those people. It's stress. Stress stress and more freaking stress. I thought it'd dissipate when I graduated, but nope. I guess this is life though. Oh well, Im going along for the ride.

My life is just at a standstill right now. Im two weeks into my summer, and I've been pretty dang lazy so far. Its been AMAZING. I've read a few books, worked a few puzzles, got a sunburn, and officially swam in every type of water! Its been a good start, and if I could just stop thinking so much about my future, I'd have a stress free summer for the most part. But will that happen? Probably not. Oh well. I'm still going to have the summer of my life. NOTHING will stand in my way. This will be the summer I say goodbyes, say hellos, and start fresh and cut of ties. It's the summer of possibilities, and the summer I plan to live out some dreams. I pretty much just put myself into a better mood by writing out that paragraph. If i just stop and think about my possibilities and how endless they are, I don't stress so badly. Thats life for ya though :). A whirlwind of constant shifts in emotions!

Meagan <3

Here comes the graduate....

Long time no talk, but than again, no one ever reads these anyways right? It's mainly just me talking to myself, getting out my frustrations and etc. But that's ok, that's all I need.


Life has been... hectic, to put it mildly. Over the past two months, between banquets and receptions and getting geared for graduation, my life has been a spiraling mass of movement. Every day has been practically book, and boy is it wearing me down. Good news though, graduation is only a week away. That's right, a week. This girl is finally getting out of this hell hole named C.E. King. Sheldon can kiss this girl goodbye, because I  definitely don't plan for it to be any part of my future, except for visiting my family. When I get older, I'd like to live in say... North Texas? Sounds good to me. Anyhoo... Prom was a few weeks ago... and it was pretty darn amazing... and here we are.... Me and my handsome date that is ^_^

Yes, I was sure one lucky girl on May 14th. Aaron looked very handsome in his suit, (So did Stevie Wevie Pevie) and I felt pretty in my one of a kind dress, and Hannah sure looked beautiful! It was a good night full of laughs and dancing. I'll never forget it. I'm so glad I've got them as my best buds! :D

But as graduation comes near... I find myself real realizing that the ending of this chapter is coming to an end. FFA? Already over. Presidency? Gone. Let's just say thats all water under the bridge now, and a big burden off my back. But wow... I really can't believe I'll be LIVING in College Station in a few short months. It's insanity really, when I've lived my entire life in Sheldon. I'm so ready for new faces, the anxiety is killing me. But I sure will miss some of the old faces. Ya know the usual... boyfriend, best friend, parents, etc. It'll definitely be hard getting used to not seeing those on a regular basis. It's alright though, I'll eventually get used to it. I'll probably blog more once I get up to A&M, I'll definitely need some type of journaling. But this change will be embraced. Im ready.

Until next time,

                      Meagan <3

 

Could graduation come any sooner? I wish.

People seem to always say going through high school isn't living in the real world. Well if it isn't the real world, it must be somewhere in between because it sure as heck isn't a fantasy world. It's harder than given credit for, and granted, I know college will be a million times harder. But still, the STUPID drama, and the unneeded pressure... it's ridiculous. I don't go to school everyday to hear from teachers how much I suck blah blah blah. The thing is... I KNOW who I am. Those who like to cut me down, it does nothing. I know what I've put into my high school years, and I know I've dedicated my heart and my time. I cannot control what other's do, or what they DON'T do. I just feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders and graduation just seems way too far away. I just cant wait to the day where the drama ceases, but then again, it might not ever. I HATE pointless conversations and can't stand people who live to get rises out of others and stir up trouble. I just wish someone could come up and say "hey, all this crap will disappear when you go to college." Unfortunately though, life isn't that simple. 

Anyways... besides stupid things, life is pretty darn good. And march, has been an amazing month! Yes I've got the boyfriend still, gasp! It's only been a month, but a pretty darn entertaining and fun filled month. From pillow fights to trips to Kemah, its been non stop fun! He's pretty awesome, so be jealous :-P. And as for FFA... honestly I'm just ready to give my retiring address and leave it in the past. I love FFA, but I feel like it's just something that I need to leave in the past.

I see college as new beginnings. New friendships, new home. New everything, except for me. I'll always be me, no matter where I am. A&M is huge, and thats just what I need. Somewhere where I'm not put on spot or singled out. I just want... to start over. My senior year is ending on a sour note in a few areas, but what can I do? Nothing, so I'm just going to let it roll off my shoulder and think about the possibilities of my future. I think that's what gives us all a little push to keep going, knowing that eventually, it'll all be alright. While writing this I came upon this quote and it seemed to answer all my unspoken questions and worries...


Ask yourself this question:
"Will this matter a year from now?"
Richard Carlson, writing in Don't Sweat the Small Stuff


 Until next time... Gig em'!



Meagan <3

Boyfriends and college

BELIEVE! Just check out the quote above ^^^, it's inspiring, and right now I'm in a believing mood, but that might have something to do with listening to journey!!!! I haven't posted a blog in a while, but boy I've been a busy girl. Ya know life... it never stops to let you catch a break! It just happens and you gotta go along with it. 


Yeah so... I've went and got myself a boyfriend. Say what?! Yeah I know, weird. I've never claimed normality though! Remember that one blog where I said if a good guy came around that I'd date him? Yeah well he came around :-) It's good, and he's awesome lol, a real gentleman. I'm definitely happy I've met him. Too bad he couldn't have showed up whenever I was ranting about my lack of a date for valentines day ^_^, oh well! But anyways... I've got a good feeling about him, so we'll see what happens!!


Besides that, I've been busier than heck with school and FFA, which is driving me bananas!! I just keep telling myself three more months till graduation! Then six until I leave for college station, which as it looms closer is becoming a scarier thought. I don't really know if I'm ready to leave so soon. It's a scary thought, being away from everyone I've grown up with, especially my mom, whom I considered one of the people I'm closest to in my life. Just knowing that I'll be two hours away, with no one I know, makes me feel extremely lonely. Everyone will be here, living their lives like they have for years, and I'll be starting a new chapter in my life, without them. It terrifies me, and six months just does not seem long enough to deal with that fear. But the thing is, I know that I have to try and get out of the nest, to try and start a new life. It's a part of growing up and learning. And if I don't get out there and do it now, I might never, and that'll take away new experiences that I need to have. I don't know maybe I'll get up to college station and freak out and transfer home as soon as possible. But then again, I might get up there, love it, and realize it's where I need to be. I won't know until I go. I won't know for another six months. But for the next six months, I plan to spend as much time as possible with the people I love. I want memories to look upon when I first start out at College station to help get me through the lonely part. 


People keep telling me I'll get up to A&M and forget about them. That's one thing I will NOT let happen. The thought of that terrifies me more than anything else. The people in my life are there for a reason, and losing them would kill me. So thats why I'm deciding now that I won't let it happen. If I keep that mentality, I'll do fine. Plus I've got God to help me. So it'll be all good, hopefully.


In six months, my life will change drastically. Am I ready? Can I handle it? No matter what my answer is to those questions, I've got to face reality. On the plus side though, I've got a date to prom now! And it's someone I'd actually enjoy going with! Guess thats a plus from getting a boyfriend! Coming up is spring break, senior portraits, prom, then graduation. It's insane how time is flying. Oh well I can't really think of anything else to write about for now, so this is gonna be it for a week or so probably. Until next time....




Meagan <3

V-day, dun dun dun

Valentines day, not the worse day in the year I guess. I woke up today negative as ever, knowing how many balloons and bears I'd see around school. But when I got to school, the first thing I get is a big balloon and a chocolate rose from a friend. Now when your seeing a bunch of other people get crap but not getting things, it sucks. But when you actually get surprised and get something, it's pretty nice :-). Now my friend did it because we were playing around about being each other's valentines because her stupid a-hole of a boyfriend had just broken up with her. And a week before valentines day?! I'm telling ya, they're douches! That's off topic though. But anyways my day got even better because another friend surprised me with a teddy bear and a home made card in 5th period. Here's my bear -----

 Now that (and him) were super sweet! It really brightened my day, mainly because I wasn't expecting ANYTHING! Of course it was cheesy! But were just friends anyways. And the gesture was sweet. I topped the night off with playing some black ops with some friends before going to chick-fil-a with a bunch of people in the same dateless boat as me (with the exception of two). But it was fun, even though some people think its funny to joke about things that they KNOW would piss me off, just because they think it's cute. But oh well, besides that slight incident, my day was good. But honestly, I'm glad the holiday is over. There were a few things I would have liked to happen, but dreams aren't reality, and I knew that. The rest of the week is going to be rough, I can feel it. Tomorrow will be the domino that makes the rest fall. But that's life for you, it doesn't bend to your wants, you have to bend to what it throws at you. Oh well. Until next time....


Meagan <3

I've never been good at games

When it comes to guys, much like every other girl, I'm a mess. I don't know how to play these "games" and I NEVER know what to say. I guess I don't think dating should be as complicated as its become. When your with someone that's worthwhile, it shouldn't all be easy, but it should at least feel right. If people just tried to keep complications out of relationships, things wouldn't be so horrible. I HATE complications. I guess that's why I've decided to wait to date. Its stupid, and I'm only seventeen. I don't NEED a boyfriend, and I never will understand why some girls seem to think they do. The point of a boyfriend is to find your husband not to play some stupid seductive game. If anything, guys should be gentlemen, and girls should be lady's. IT'S NOT A GAME! The viewpoint of this world when it comes to dating has become so twisted is ridiculous. There should be no secrets, no lies, just honesty. Honesty is always the best way to go, and if the other person doesn't like you being you, then screw them. You can always do better than someone who thinks less of you.

And another thing: girls you don't fall in love with every guy you date. Yeah I've been there before, and I've learned just how stupid I sounded throwing around the word carelessly. DONT SAY IT UNLESS YOU MEAN IT. And sorry, but most of you don't mean it as much as you think you do. Love and liking a whole lot are two different things. Love takes time, and it takes effort. Its meant for people who deserve it. So save it, cherish it, and say it when you truly truly mean it. 

I know I probably sound like a typical teenage girl ranting about typical douche bag's, but that's what this blog is about right? Because the feelings we get, the desires; they're normal. It's normal to have a CRUSH (not love) on one or two guys, as I do right now. I'm not dogging dating, you have to date to find the one that's not perfect, but perfect for YOU. Every one's different. I have NO IDEA who I can see myself with in the long run. And honestly, I want to be surprised. For now though, of course I dream! What kind of girl would i be if I didn't? I still get gushy and crap sometimes, but I'm just starting to think things should be taken more seriously. 

If this blog seems random, I'm sorry, but as I wrote more and more kept coming to my head that sometimes was a contradiction. I keep writing, deleting, rewriting, and so on. I keep saying I'm waiting, but I'm not going to lie, because if a guy I thought was sweet and respectful came along that I could see myself dating, I'd definitely date him. The point is, if he's good, we'll find each other. Simple as that.

P.S. This is a good song (and band):

Save your heart by Mayday Parade

Meagan <3

Be my valentine, not!

Sitting at my house while everyone is sleeping has me thinking about an event coming up in twelve days.  Valentines day is coming up soon, or also known as the day all the card and candy companies make all their money. In my own perspective, as a single girl, the whole holiday is a tad bit ridiculous. They give us one day out of the year to show how much we "love" our significant other. Yes it's oh so romantic whenever you have a boyfriend, but when there is a lack in that department, the day is just a day to remind you of the relationship you don't have or need. 

What I'm trying to say is, I dont necessarily hate valentines by any means (hate is a strong word), Im too young to really have had experienced a nice valentines night with the "guy of my dreams". Ha ha. But it shouldn't take one day to make you stop and think about the people you love in your life. Shouldn't sweet things happen randomly? Doesn't that make them evens sweeter? I dont know, its food for thought. 


BUT if you are one of the many that do celebrate here's a tip: Dont go with the roses and the cheesy red teddy bear that says "I love you". Guys if your going to make your girl happy, get her favorite flower, not a cheesy typical rose. And as for a gift, make it from the heart. I promise if she has worth, she will LOVE a gift that has thought into it. I'm sure she'd love it either way, but the latter shows you put a more thought into it ;-).

As a young girl about to really start this thing called life, I've decided to wait. For the lack of good guys in the Houston area, though not all are bad (Sorry Aaron :D) Im just waiting. Because as I get older, things will change, and maybe my opinion of this wretched holiday will as well. Who knows? Maybe something could happen between now and the 14th that could change my opinion of it anyways. I wont know though until it happens. Until then, I'll be ranting :).

Meagan <3

Sleepless in Houston

Listening to: Simple Man - Shinedown
Mood: Restless


As my first blog, I have to say, this is a great way to get thoughts out and organized. First off, my name is Meagan, and I'm seventeen. No, I'm not a teen mom, nor am I addicted to any types of drugs. I'm just a normally unique girl with a good head on her shoulders. But blogging? The thought never really occurred to me until I saw my cousins blog, which is amazing by the way. I've always liked to write down how I was feeling, but never so direct, never throwing it out there in the form of reality. You see I write novels and short stories, never directly putting myself in the story. Well it's time I get out there a little. So this is it, like it or not, this is my life.

In Houston, between the howling wind and frigid temperatures, I find myself unable to sleep because of restless thoughts. Restless of what? Well it could be because I can't stop thinking about what many teenagers find themselves thinking about. College, Life, and the opposite sex. The last option holding the dominance of my thoughts. Though tonight I dont find myself thinking about a particular boy, but a few. Of course there is the one, the "crush", that I have one class with, and have the sickening 2nd grade style crush on. But that boy would take up way to much time for me to explain. And then there's the friend that always seems to be in pain, that used to seem like such a good friend, but is now so distant, so out of reach. Eh, it's complicated. But what in the life of a seventeen year old girl isn't complicated? Maybe my cow, Maggie. She seems to take life pretty easily. I guess I find myself wanting the change in my life that comes in the fall with college. I'm so ready for new faces, new people. Just a new start. I'd like to meet some guys that surprise me, for so far, none in my life has. In this time, it's hard for a girl to find a guy that will court her like God intends. Where has the respect gone boys? Why is chivalry dead? But than can be discussed in a later blog. For now, this is the best I can come up with. 


Yours truly,


Meagan <3