It's 2 am... Sleep... nah. I'll just write.

Well my summer schedule has got me all kinds of screwed up. It's 2 am, and I can't sleep. Even though I have to be up at 7 am. Just great. Seeing how as I can't stop THINKING, (what else is there to do at night?), I figured I'd just write some. 

So you might be thinking "what does this overdramatic teenager have on her mind tonight?" Don't worry, I'll tell you! Love, college, the future, etc. The first one is just pissing me off. I have so many dang thoughts running through my mind about that one. Im so frustrated right now. I've been dating this dude for four months, and Im so glad were taking things as slow as we are. Im only seventeen years old, Im not ready to be in love. The thought scares me. I have so many years ahead of me to be in love, I don't need it now. I don't know why Im stressing myself out so badly. He understands I want things slow. And he also knows if I were in love with him, I'd let him know. I feel guilty for not being in love with him sometimes. But then again, it has only been four months. Not very long. So I have no idea why Im stressing out. Maybe its just because I always have to have some stupid thing to stress over? I've got no clue really. Were going to california in two weeks though, and I know it'll be an amazing and fun trip.

College... it's looming closer and closer on the horizon. Now that I've officially walked across the stage, the prospect of college seems like a week away. In actuality it's about two and a half months away. Thats not very long though at all. Im so anxious its ridiculous! Im so ready to move to college station, and open up this new chapter! But on the other hand, I have this dreading feeling in the pit of my stomach that I'll go up to A&M and fail. I've heard so many stories of people failing their first semesters. I have scholarships relying on the fact that I wont be one of those people. It's stress. Stress stress and more freaking stress. I thought it'd dissipate when I graduated, but nope. I guess this is life though. Oh well, Im going along for the ride.

My life is just at a standstill right now. Im two weeks into my summer, and I've been pretty dang lazy so far. Its been AMAZING. I've read a few books, worked a few puzzles, got a sunburn, and officially swam in every type of water! Its been a good start, and if I could just stop thinking so much about my future, I'd have a stress free summer for the most part. But will that happen? Probably not. Oh well. I'm still going to have the summer of my life. NOTHING will stand in my way. This will be the summer I say goodbyes, say hellos, and start fresh and cut of ties. It's the summer of possibilities, and the summer I plan to live out some dreams. I pretty much just put myself into a better mood by writing out that paragraph. If i just stop and think about my possibilities and how endless they are, I don't stress so badly. Thats life for ya though :). A whirlwind of constant shifts in emotions!

Meagan <3